The R Us Group

The step of moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend is one that’s taken by many people, often in multiple relationships. In many cases, deciding to live together may make a great deal of financial sense; rents are halved, grocery and utility bills are lowered, and money is saved on gas and other expenses associated with commuting to see the other person. In other instances, however, such financial considerations may not even be made; couples may simply move towards living together in a kind of unspoken progression. The familiar transition from casual dating to a more serious relationship is, for many people, echoed in the transition from living alone to living together. But in Denver,an active psychologist has recently concluded a study suggesting that cohabiting before marriage may increase the likelihood of serious conflict and, ultimately, divorce.

Scott Stanley, who is affiliated with the University of Denver, was intrigued by reports published before the turn of the century which showed that men who lived with their spouses prior to marriage were on average less dedicated to their partners and their relationships. Wondering why the choice to live together sooner might have such a significant affect on couples, Stanley worked with over a thousand of his own married participants. The study, which he co-authored, found that while those couples who moved in together after marriage had seriously considered or discussed divorce at a rate of ten percent, those who lived together prior to marriage were nearly twice as likely to have faced the matter, with a nineteen percent occurrence.

Stanley and his colleagues have suggested that moving in together as a matter of convenience, or due to simple social pressures or expectations, can have an adverse affect on relationships in that the serious commitments involves are not discussed. While people living separately tend to thoroughly discuss and consciously and verbally commit to each other upon deciding to marry, those who live together sooner may not make such well-defined decisions, opting for what simply seems like a reasonable path instead. “Sliding,” as Stanley calls it, between relationship stages may result in regrettable decisions and the desire to break free from what often becomes a web of unspoken obligations.

The quality of the Denver therapist community ensures that couples seeking professional counseling or therapy prior to making the choice to move in together or take greater steps towards marriage are met with able and caring mental health professionals. In the national and global arenas, as well, couples can turn to the insight and objectivity of therapists to help guide them through the stages of relationships with confidence and a great sense of personal power and determination. But even in the absence of professional care, taking the time to honestly consider whether cohabitation is the right answer may have benefits for a relationship well into the future.